I don't usually write at midnight, but sometimes I get an idea at three in the morning.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Stargazing with Ray


I remember the first time I read Fahrenheit 451. Mr. Bradbury’s chilling words thrilled and haunted me. I was aghast at the world he had created: a future completely devoid of reading— a lifelong necessity for me. I didn’t just love books, I adored them. The rustle of pages and the smell of printer’s ink had helped me through some of the darkest times of my childhood. When I had a book in my hand and I was lying safe and warm in bed (well past midnight!), I knew I could survive whatever middle school threw at me. Books became my best friends, and the catalyst that pushed me into teaching.

During my training in college, I was fortunate enough to experience Montag’s bewilderment, Clarisse’s passion, Mildred’s ennui, and Beatty’s paradoxical insight. My blood ran cold at Bradbury’s images of a society obsessed with entertainment and materialism. I had always idealized the 1950’s as somewhat Utopian, but Bradbury saw the truth: that American society was spinning toward intellectual starvation.
 

I read the book a second time last spring. I was rapidly becoming disillusioned with the public school system. I didn’t fully understand why my ideals were disintegrating, but Bradbury did. I wanted to teach children to question, to laugh, to wonder, to discover, and instead, I was teaching them how to answer test questions. Bradbury had already predicted it in his novel:
"Give the people contests they win by remembering the words to more popular songs or the names of state capitals or how much corn Iowa grew last year. Cram them full of noncombustible data, chock them so damned full of 'facts' they fell stuffed, but absolutely 'brilliant' with information. Then they'll feel they're thinking, they'll get a sense of motion without moving. And they'll be happy, because facts of that sort don't change (61)."

This speech is empirical evidence of Bradbury’s prophetic insight; it is a call to action, a beacon for the idealists and poets to shout until someone finally pays attention. It gave me the courage to be the writer I have always wanted to be.
 

The Martian Chronicles also inspired me. It is a tale of perseverance, desperation, the chaos of progress, and the inevitability of mankind’s destruction. "The Million Year Picnic" in particular left me feeling mystified and disoriented and utterly lonely. The final scene, where William Thomas incinerates his former way of life and coaxes his tentative family to the canal to view “Martians,” provoked such quiet anguish in me that I wept.
 

A few years ago, I discovered “Dark They Were and Golden-Eyed.” I instantly fell in love with Bradbury’s lyrical descriptions of transplanted Earthlings. The setting was magical; the characters poignant: permeated with sorrow, but tenacious in their hope. Each line was mesmerizing and completely honest.
   

The short story "All Summer in a Day" has been a staple in my English classroom since I started teaching eight years ago. His prose is hauntingly beautiful and his ability to transcend space and time and speak to the human experience through the eyes of children is poetic. Every year, without fail, my students sit stunned by the injustice of Margot’s tale; in that quiet moment, I can feel the spellbound heartache passing between them and me: a soul-bridge created completely out of one man's near superhuman capacity for storytelling.
It is hard to explain what I felt when I learned of Ray’s death. I felt as if there was suddenly an emptiness in me, as if I had been "poured out like water." I felt a mysterious and unutterable sadness: a luminous grief for a good friend to whom I never got to say goodbye.
 

The world has lost a priceless artistic spirit. Ray Bradbury created a cosmos where splendor and sadness walk side by side; he gave me the courage to reach for impossible dreams.
 

I’ll never forget him.

The Essay is Done!

What's ironic about this process, is that while I was struggling to overcome my writer's block, I read a quote of Ray's that helped me finish the piece:


"I’ve never worked a day in my life. I’ve never worked a day in my life. The joy of writing has propelled me from day to day and year to year. I want you to envy me, my joy. Get out of here tonight and say: ‘Am I being joyful?’ And if you’ve got a writer’s block, you can cure it this evening by stopping whatever you’re writing and doing something else. You picked the wrong subject" (quoted on http://www.brainpickings.org).


He had a young heart and an old soul. 
I wish I could have known him...

Friday, June 8, 2012

Writer's Block?

I've been trying to write a tribute to Ray Bradbury, but the words keep running away from me... It's very frustrating. I want to share my heart, yet my heart is refusing to share.
In addition, this weekend is the end of my environmental science class and I'm really trying to hold onto my 3.8 GPA, so I have quite a bit of research and writing to do for the discussion board.
Let's throw in the fact that Monday is my first wedding anniversary, Tuesday Brian and I are going out to see "KA" at the MGM, and I also have cards to write for my seniors who are graduating on Wednesday (which I am helping with).
I'm a busy little (???) bee, but I will put up my essay as soon as possible. 

Sunday, June 3, 2012

The Highly Sensitive Person's Workbook: Introduction

I remember when I was a little girl, tripping in the door at the end of the school day, tears streaming, pigtails askew, my parents would hug me and pronounce, “Sara, you take things too personally. You’re too sensitive. You need to just let things roll off your back, like the way rain rolls off a duck’s feathers.”

For two decades, that advice echoed resoundingly in my head, and I never could understand why life experiences affected me so profoundly, while everyone else seemed to be blissfully unaware of my inner desperation.

Some part of me was singular: I knew that. How could I not? Others categorized me as a social butterfly, but when I tried to be solitary (bodily or in my own mind), something was amiss (e.g. “What’s wrong, Sara?? Why are you so quiet, Sara? Are you sad, Sara?”). In college, when a relative told me I would never get a husband because I wasn’t being demure (i.e. “You’re being too loud!”), I laughed it off; but in my heart, I wept.

My individuation as an HSP really began several years ago when I was in Walla Walla, Washington, having gelato with my good friend Luke. My curious inquiry about his beautiful, twining, colorful tattoo led to an unforgettable conversation about Empaths: who they are, what they’re like, and how the world impacts— and, more often than not, damages— them. Luke was an Empath. I suspected I might be one, too, and after I relocated to Las Vegas for my career, I began to research Empaths. I think now that I must have stumbled on the phrases “hsp” and “highly sensitive” during my reading. I don’t know why I disregarded them: after all, I’d been charged all my life “not to take things so personally.” I was sensitive. Perhaps I lacked the motivation to discover what it meant, perhaps I was in a hurry, or perhaps I just brushed it off (like the rain and the duck, ironically!).

But recently, I was browsing through the audio books at the library, and I stumbled across a title that spoke to me: The Highly Sensitive Person. My health had been spiraling slowly downwards for the past year and I was near burnout at work. I was looking for an answer to a question I didn’t know. When I spotted the book, I felt commanded: “Get that one!” I’m convinced it was Providence; believe what you will.

I started listening to the CD and almost immediately recognized that I was one of the 20% Dr. Aron was talking about!

I ordered The Highly Sensitive Person’s Workbook from Amazon.com and HI would like to share my experiences as I work through the chapters within the book: to internalize the information within myself, to comfort and inspire the many HSPs who are dear to me, and to help the remainder of you comprehend us a little bit better.